What Might Have Been
by BettyHall223
Summary: Kerry's story of her time with Jack.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are not my property. No copyright infringement is intended._

When she started college, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do with her life. She only knew she didn't want the usual occupations that her friends were choosing. Wanting something interesting, exciting and something that wouldn't be the same old routine day after day, she had finally decided on a degree in criminal justice.

After graduation she had applied for and was accepted into the CIA training program and loved every minute of it.

She had met a man and fallen in love, a man she knew she could love forever, but he had not returned those feelings. Dealing with a broken heart, she devoted herself to her work and eventually the pain lessened.

She had sworn off men for the longest time, not willing to take the risk of going through all that hurt again.

Her life was cruising along happily while taking an extra training course at the Pentagon, when she was called into her boss's office, where she was introduced to an Air Force officer, Major Paul Davis.

The two of them went into a small conference room and sat down at a table where she was told that she would be leaving shortly on her next assignment in Colorado Springs. Major Davis opened a large package of documents, laid them out in front of her and proceeded to tell her about the stargate program.

At first she thought it was just a huge joke that someone was playing on her, but the more Major Davis talked, she realized that he was completely serious.

She had always thought that there could be life elsewhere and Major Davis had now confirmed it.

After signing a nondisclosure agreement, she was told that her assignment would be the investigation into Gou'ald still at large involving The Trust. In addition to the confidential documents, she was also given several files of mission reports involving SG teams, and in particular, SG-1.

Major Davis informed her that upon her arrival at Cheyenne Mountain, she would report to General Jack O'Neill.

She spent hours reading documents and mission reports, familiarizing herself with the Goa'uld and The Trust.

Out of curiosity, she had looked up General O'Neill's military record, or what there was of it. Most of the information was classified and for the past eight years, the information had been scrubbed except that he had recently been promoted and was working at NORAD. Only the President, the Joint Chiefs and the people involved in the program, knew that he had been fighting aliens for the past eight years.

Almost two weeks after meeting with Major Davis and packing up the things she would need to have shipped to her temporary residence in Colorado, she arrived at Cheyenne Mountain and was given a security ID. An SF escorted her inside and they got into an elevator, going down several floors. He led her to a briefing room where a group of people was assembling. She followed the SF across the room to a tall man with gray hair, chatting with a muscular black man. The SF addressed the man as General O'Neill and he turned to face them.

"Sir, this is Kerry Johnson of the CIA."

She immediately noticed how attractive the General was and found herself staring into his brown eyes as he shook her hand and smiled.

"Ms. Johnson, nice to meet you."

"Thank you, General. Since I was given this assignment, I've been reading a lot about this place and what goes on here."

"Is that so? I hope all that you've learned about our little secret base didn't creep you out too much."

She smiled. "No, not in the least. I think this is fascinating."

The General then introduced her to Teal'c.

She started to raise her hand to shake his but he had his hands behind his back, and instead gave a short bow.

"Welcome, Ms. Johnson."

She realized that this was the alien from another planet that she had read about in the mission reports, and she stared at the gold emblem in his forehead.

"Thank you" she managed to say.

"If you'll excuse me" the General said "I need to get this meeting of the geeks started. Feel free to stick around and we'll meet after it's over."

"Okay."

General O'Neill sat down at the head of the table and Teal'c sat to his right as everyone took their seats. Two men were in Air Force uniforms, a man with glasses was dressed in clothes similar to the General's and all the others were in lab coats. She sat at the opposite end of the table and watched as the General started the meeting.

"Daniel, what've you got for us?"

She watched as the man in glasses stood, began to speak and realized this was Dr. Daniel Jackson, the archaeologist who had deciphered the stargate. He talked for a few minutes, then finished what he was saying and sat down to the General's left.

She listened attentively as people discussed their work involving alien devices and new technology.

From the mission reports, she knew that General O'Neill had led SG-1 consisting of Dr. Jackson, Teal'c and Colonel Carter, until his promotion to commander of the base.

She knew that Colonel Carter was a woman and wondered where she was or maybe she just didn't need to be included in this meeting. She soon got her thoughts answered by a bald man in glasses sitting to her right.

"When Colonel Carter returns from the Alpha site, we'll get right to work on that, General."

General O'Neill nodded his head. "Okay, Dr. Lee. Is there anything else we need to discuss?"

The General looked around at everyone but the room was silent.

"Okay then. Before we go, I'd like to introduce you to Kerry Johnson of the CIA. She will be working on the investigation of the Goa'uld who are still at large."

Everyone turned to look at her and she smiled.

"You're dismissed."

The General stood up, immediately bringing the two military people to their feet. He went to his office, picked up his phone and punched in a number.

Everyone else slowly stood, Dr. Lee smiled at her and held out his hand to shake hers.

"Ms. Johnson, I'm Dr. Lee."

She returned the smile and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you."

She walked to the General's office and when he saw her standing at the door, waved her in and pointed to a chair. She sat down and waited and watched as he paced back and forth as he talked. She stared at the General, thinking what a very handsome man he was.

'Watch out, Kerry' she said to herself. 'You're here to do a job, not to fall for someone you'll be working with.'

The General finally ended the call and sat down.

"I understand from Major Davis that you just recently found out that we're not alone in the universe."

"Yes. I must say I was a little surprised at first but then again I've always felt that there could be life on other planets."

They talked for awhile about The Trust and the whole time she could feel herself being drawn to this man. He was not only attractive, she was finding out he was quite intelligent.

The General looked toward the door, raised his eyebrows and she turned her head to see a man holding a stack of files.

"Yes, Walter?"

"Sorry to interrupt, sir, but Major Adams and his team are waiting for their debriefing."

"Tell them I'll be right there."

"Yes, sir."

General O'Neill stood so she did too.

"Well, I'll be seeing you around. Let me know if you have any questions or need anything."

She held out her hand to shake his and he put his hand in hers. "Thank you. It's nice to meet you, General. I hope we'll be seeing more of each other."

"That would . . . that would be nice" he stumbled.

She let go of his hand as she felt herself start to blush. 'Get a grip, Kerry.'

She walked out of the office, hoping it wouldn't be too long before they met again.

************

As she unpacked a box that night, she was thinking of her meeting with General O'Neill when her cell phone rang.

"Hello."

"Ms. Johnson, this is Major Davis. Just wanted to see if you're getting settled in okay."

"Yes, thanks, and would you please call me Kerry?"

"And I'm Paul. How was your first day?"

"Went really well. Had an interesting conversation with General O'Neill about . . . what I'm here for" she said cryptically, realizing that they couldn't take any chances that there might be someone listening in.

"You'll have your hands full with this investigation so don't hesitate to call if I can help."

"Thanks, Paul. From reading the information you gave me and after meeting with General O'Neill, he seems to be have a huge responsibility of running the base."

"Yes he does and he does his job very well. He has been with this program since it started and I have a great deal of respect and admiration for him. He and his teams have put their lives on the line to save us many times."

"Is he married?" she casually asked.

"No, divorced."

She felt her heart skip a beat. "As busy as he seems to be, he must not have much time for a personal life."

"No, I doubt that he does. I think he spends most of his time at the base, from what I understand."

"Well, thanks for checking on me, Paul. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome. Talk with you later."

"Okay. Bye."

She closed her phone as a smile came to her face. "So, he isn't married."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

She stayed busy with the investigation and would often come home to collapse after a long day. This was turning out to be the most interesting assignment she'd ever been given.

It had now been over a week since she had first met General O'Neill and was scheduled to meet with him today to give him an update of her findings so far.

Standing in front of her closet, she stared at her wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear. She wanted to look professional, but feminine, for their meeting.

She sighed as she realized how strong her attraction was to the General. She knew he was several years older than her but it really didn't matter.

Deciding on a navy blue jacket and matching skirt, she chose a simple white blouse to wear underneath the jacket and added a pair of diamond stud earrings.

Arriving at the base, she signed in, got in the elevator and walked down the corridor. She came to the briefing room to see one of the teams coming out the door, dressed in combat gear. Apparently, they had just met with General O'Neill.

She looked through the small window in the General's office and saw him pacing back and forth as he talked on the red phone. She watched as he sat down in his chair and propped his elbows on his desk as he held the phone to his ear.

Not wanting to be caught staring at him, she wandered over to the window to see the stargate. She looked at the event horizon, seeing the gate in action for the first time, and watched as Teal'c, Dr. Jackson and a woman came through. The event horizon faded and the iris closed behind them.

'That must be Colonel Carter' she thought to herself. Watching closely, the three came to the bottom of the ramp and handed their weapons to two men. Dr. Jackson said something to the woman as she took off her cap, ran her hand through her hair and laughed at whatever Dr. Jackson was saying.

'She's very pretty' she thought and didn't remember reading in any of the files that Colonel Carter was married.

She watched as the woman and Teal'c turned to their right and went through some doors and Dr. Jackson went to his left.

In a few moments, she heard someone coming up the stairs and turned around to see Dr. Jackson.

He stopped abruptly when he saw her but smiled and held out his hand.

"Hi, Ms. Johnson. I'm Daniel."

She returned the smile as she shook his hand. "Yes. I've read a lot about you, and please, call me Kerry. I just saw you come through the gate, my first time to see it. It's quite exciting."

Daniel grinned. "We kinda take it for granted around here since we see it in operation so often."

They were suddenly interrupted.

"Daniel, get in here!"

She and Daniel turned to see the General and he waved to them to come in.

Daniel looked at her and whispered. "He's so impatient."

She chuckled as she followed Daniel into the General's office and watched as Daniel crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yes, Jack, what can I do for you?"

"You, Teal'c and Carter get home okay?"

"Yes. I was just coming to tell you that we found absolutely nothing of interest on the planet."

"No rocks or doohickeys for you and Carter to play with?"

"No, I'm afraid not. Sam got stung on her hand by a bee, or some kind of insect, but that was the most excitement we had."

She noticed the General's eyes grow wide with concern.

"Is she okay?"

"Her hand was a little swollen but I'm sure Dr. Brightman will give her something to put on it.

"Is she allergic to bee stings? I don't remember that she is."

Daniel shook his head. "No, I asked and she said she isn't."

"Good."

There was a short pause.

"Oh, Daniel, I see you met Ms. Johnson."

"Yes, we met."

"She and I have a meeting. Tell Teal'c and Carter that we'll talk later."

"Okay, Jack."

Daniel turned to Kerry. "Nice to meet you."

She smiled. "Same here."

Daniel left the room and she sat down across from the General.

They talked about the ongoing investigation of The Trust and her findings so far. After a half hour, their meeting was coming to an end and the General stood so she did too.

She looked into his eyes and a slow smile came to her face as the General raised his eyebrows.

"Is there something else, Ms. Johnson?"

She could feel her heart beating faster.

"General, I know you're really busy and I hope you don't think I'm being too forward for suggesting this. Would you like to have dinner with me some time?"

Her question seemed to startle him as his eyes grew wide.

"But if you think it wouldn't be appropriate . . ." she hurriedly started to say.

"No, it's okay . . . uh . . . sure" he finally answered with a smile.

"Great. I'll call you tomorrow and maybe you could suggest a place since I'm new in town and don't know where the good restaurants are."

He nodded his head. "Okay."

"I'll talk with you tomorrow then."

She left his office and glanced back over her shoulder to see him watching her.

She walked to the elevator and got on. "I can't believe I just did that" she whispered "but I'm certainly glad I did."

************

The next day she was sitting in her car, making notes in her laptop, when she looked at her watch. It was three o'clock. Taking a deep breath, she picked up her cell phone and dialed the base. In a few moments she was connected to the General.

"O'Neill."

"General, it's Kerry Johnson."

"Ms. Johnson, how goes it?"

"Good and how are you?"

"Just peachy."

She smiled, thinking how much she liked his sense of humor.

"I'm glad."

"I guess you're calling about dinner."

"Yes. Any suggestions?"

"I have a place in mind. If you don't have anything planned for tonight, how about I pick you up this evening at 19:00?"

"That would be great. Let me give you my address and cell number."

She gave him the information and said she would see him later.

After finishing her notes, she headed home, thinking she would take a leisurely bubble bath.

************

She sat in the bathtub with her eyes closed, enjoying the warm soapy water. Her thoughts drifted back to Stephen, the last man she had fallen in love with and remembered their last conversation. He had told her that he didn't want to hurt her, but he thought their time together was over. He felt she needed more than he was ready to give and that he would always care about her, but he wasn't ready to make a commitment to her or anyone. With her heart breaking and tears in her eyes, she watched as he closed the door behind him, walking out of her life forever as she sat down on the floor and sobbed.

She opened her eyes and set up quickly, making ripples in the water.

"It happened a long time ago, Kerry. You're over it so move on" she said out loud.

She stood and grabbed a towel, hoping she wouldn't end up with a broken heart again.

It was now almost time for the General to arrive. While checking to be sure she had everything in her purse that she would need, her doorbell rang. Taking a deep breath, she headed to the door and opened it. General O'Neill was wearing black slacks, a gray shirt with an open collar and a black leather jacket.

'Oh my, he looks so hot' she thought to herself.

The General quickly looked her up and down. "Ms. Johnson."

She was wearing a sleeveless simple black dress that came just above her knees and a black shawl made of lace around her shoulders.

She smiled. "General."

"You look nice" he grinned.

"Thanks. So do you."

"Ready to go?"

"Yes, I am."

He walked her to his truck and opened the door for her, then went around and got in the driver's seat.

They talked as he drove.

"So, are you enjoying your assignment, Ms. Johnson?"

"I certainly am and would you please call me Kerry?"

He glanced at her. "And I'm Jack."

Driving a few miles out of town, he turned off on a two lane road and went up a hill. They wound around several curves then came to a restaurant at the top.

"Oh, this is nice."

"I hope you like it."

He stepped out of the truck and opened the door for her.

They entered the restaurant and were seated next to a window with a beautiful view of the Rocky Mountains.

Jack glanced at the menu. "Been to Colorado before?"

"I've been on assignment in Denver a few times but this is my first time in Colorado Springs."

They placed their orders and the waiter brought their drinks.

"Do you miss working with Dr. Jackson, Teal'c and Colonel Carter?"

"Yeah. I have a lot of memories with them. Some good. Some not so good. We've been through a lot together."

She took a sip of her drink. "You're very close."

Jack nodded his head. "Yes, we are."

"Tell me about them."

Jack proceeded to tell her how he first met Daniel and Teal'c. She noticed his eyes light up when he talked about Colonel Carter.

"Colonel Carter is the smartest woman I've ever known. She was also the best 2IC I ever worked with and she's also a very nice person."

"Is she married?" She noticed a look of sadness pass over Jack's face as he hesitated for a moment.

"She uh . . . she's engaged" he answered as he picked up his glass, swirled the liquid around and looked at the table.

She leaned back in her chair and stared at Jack, thinking there might be some hidden feelings for Colonel Carter that he wasn't about to acknowledge to her. She also knew about the Air Force fraternization regulations that could be keeping them apart.

Jack turned his head, looking lost in thought as he watched the evening sunset.

Not wanting to think about the possible feelings that Jack might have for Colonel Carter, she changed the subject as their food was placed before them.

After they had eaten, she excused herself to go to the restroom. As she applied her lipstick, she noticed a woman standing next to her, staring at her.

"I couldn't help but notice" the woman said "the man you're with. He certainly is handsome. Is he your husband?"

She grinned. "No, this is our first date."

The woman's eyes grew large and she smiled. "Oh. Well, good luck, honey. Wish I were in your shoes."

The woman opened the door, winked at her and walked out.

She smiled as she quickly ran a comb through her hair.

Just as she returned to their table and sat down, they heard music and looked up to see a group of musicians starting to play a slow song.

Jack looked at her. "Would you care to dance?"

She smiled. "I'd love to, Jack."

They stood up and he followed her to the dance floor. As they danced, she breathed in the faint smell of Jack's aftershave, while thinking that she could fall very hard for this man.

The song ended and they returned to their table. They talked awhile longer until Jack looked at his watch and said he needed to get home because of an early morning briefing.

They arrived back at her place and Jack walked her to the door. She unlocked the door and turned to face him.

"I really enjoyed tonight, Jack."

He nodded his head. "Me too."

As she wondered whether to invite him in, he suddenly took a step back.

"I'll see you later."

"Okay" she said, feeling a little flustered that he was leaving so quickly.

She watched as he got into his truck and drove away.

Entering her apartment, she went to the bedroom and kicked off her shoes. Sitting down on the bed, she sighed, wondering if they would see each other again outside the base. She certainly hoped they would.

************

Over the next two weeks, Jack called a few times to meet for lunch outside the Mountain but he was so busy they had no time for a second date. The times they met for lunch, she could see that he needed a break from his job, even if it was for only an hour or so and she always looked forward to seeing him. She tried not to ask anything about his work during those quiet lunches, knowing he needed to relax, so they talked about other things.

Jack asked that she not mention their relationship to anyone he worked with, he wanted to keep his private life private, so she agreed. They also agreed that their relationship would not get in the way of their jobs.

She sat alone in her apartment and stared at the TV, realizing that she was falling in love with Jack O'Neill. Tears filled her eyes, but she wasn't sure if it was from happiness or the thought that she couldn't bear to be hurt again.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**A/N: In this chapter, I used some of the dialogue from the Threads episode of which I own no rights.**

On a beautiful morning, she sat on her sofa, still wearing her pajamas. Her laptop was open on her lap as she edited some of the notes she had just put in a report that she would need to give to Jack.

She missed him.

The last time she had seen Jack was four days ago when they had met for a quick lunch.

She picked up a cup of coffee and took a sip of the hot liquid just as her cell phone rang, so she set down the cup and answered.

"Hello."

"Kerry, it's Jack."

A smile lit up her face. "Hi, Jack. How are you?"

"Not too bad. I meant to call you earlier in the week about this but I've been so busy, I just haven't."

She closed her computer. "What's going on?"

"I have two tickets to tonight's Avalanche game in Denver if you don't already have something else to do."

"I don't have anything planned. I'd love to go."

"Okay. Good. I'll pick you up at 17:00 and we'll get something to eat after the game."

"Sounds good. I'll see you then."

After their conversation, she went into the bedroom to pick out a pair of jeans and a sweater to wear to the game.

Sharply at 17:00, they were on their way and she looked at Jack as he drove.

"I'm glad you're finally getting a break from your job. Did anyone ever tell you that you work too much?"

He glanced at her and smiled. "It can't be helped, I'm afraid."

They rode in silence for a few minutes.

"Have you always been a big hockey fan?"

"Yes, it's my favorite sport. Used to play a lot when I was growing up in Minnesota."

They arrived in Denver and as they entered the building, Jack took her hand as they made their way through the crowd to find their seats.

Time flew by and the game was quickly over so they headed to a nearby restaurant. When they came outside, they were laughing at something Jack said and as they walked to his truck, he held her hand. Jack started to open the door for her when they happened to look at each other. Her breath caught in her throat when she realized how close they were. Jack leaned over and kissed her.

Using both hands to steady herself, she grasped Jack's jacket and leaned into the kiss as she closed her eyes. Jack slowly wrapped his arms around her waist and her arms went around his neck. His lips were soft and tender and her heart began to speed up as she realized how much she was enjoying the kiss.

Realizing the need to breathe, the kiss was broken. Neither said a word as Jack held the door open for her and she got inside.

They were soon on their way back to the Springs.

"I'm sorry the Avalanche lost the game."

"Well, can't win 'em all" he grinned.

Arriving at her apartment they walked to her front door in silence.

"Would you like to come in?"

Jack hesitated for a moment. "Okay."

They went inside and Jack closed the door.

She turned to face him. "Would you like something to drink?"

He slowly took her hands in his. "No. I'm good."

They looked into each other's eyes and Jack pulled her to him and kissed her. They were soon stumbling toward her bedroom as they undressed each other.

Their clothes soon lay on the floor as Jack took her hands in his and slowly lowered her to the bed. He explored her body with a confidence and finesse that she had never known. He awakened in her the feelings that had laid dormant, feelings that she had not felt for far too long.

She loved the feel of Jack's skin touching hers as they slowly made love. It had been a long time since she had felt this content as she fell asleep with him spooned behind her, his arm around her waist.

The next morning she awoke to find that she was alone. Getting out of bed, she put on her bathrobe and went into the kitchen. Jack had left her a note, telling her that he needed to go to the base but would call her later in the day.

After getting dressed, she realized she needed to make a trip to the grocery store. Just as she returned to her apartment and was carrying the bags inside, her phone rang. She quickly set down the bags and answered. It was Jack, asking her to come to his house for dinner so she wrote down the directions. As she put away the groceries, she realized she was humming.

She drove into Jack's driveway in the late afternoon and saw smoke rising from the backyard. Coming around the corner of the house, she could see Jack standing at a grill.

"Hey there" she said with a smile.

Jack's head turned quickly and he grinned. "Hey yourself."

She walked up on the deck and they gave each other a quick kiss.

She looked around. "You really have a nice place here."

"It's home." He picked up a pair of barbecue tongs and turned over a piece of meat. "I'm sorry I had to run off this morning, but just as I got out of the shower, I got a call from the base. Seems we're having trouble with the Replicators again."

She frowned. "The who?"

"Oh I forget, you're not familiar with them."

He proceeded to tell her about the Replicators as they sat down to eat.

As they played a game of chess after they ate, Jack asked about her family and she asked about his. She knew that he had been married but did not know that he'd had a son. She could see the pain on his face when he told her about Charlie and the way he had died.

She spent the night there and was just waking up when Jack's phone rang and she heard him answer.

"What?"

She slowly turned over.

"I knew it. Alright . . . I'll be there as soon as I can.

Jack dropped the phone on the floor and set up slowly as she raised herself on her elbow and he put his arm around her.

"What was that?"

"Trouble in Jaffaland. Gotta go. Sorry."

He gave her a kiss and stood up.

She watched as he walked away and realized that she liked waking up next to him.

************

During the next week she did not see Jack at all, only talked with him on the phone. There was so much going on at the Mountain that he was spending all his time on base.

A few days later, he called and asked her to meet him at his house, telling her he needed to get away for awhile.

She had really missed him and eagerly agreed to meet him. Upon her arrival, she noticed he looked a little tired.

They sat down to eat and she noticed he seemed a little distracted, so she purposely stayed away from discussing anything to do with his job.

That night, they made love but she noticed a distance in him that she couldn't quite put her finger on, a distance that had not been there before.

Sometime later, Jack lay sleeping on his back. The moonlight was shining through the window so she took the chance to look at him. Propping herself up on her fist, she stared at this handsome man. Reaching over slowly, she gently touched a wisp of his gray hair. She looked at his high cheekbones and his exceptionally long eyelashes. Just as she started to lie back down, Jack turned his head toward her and whispered "Sam."

She froze.

Jack took a deep breath and turned over on his side away from her.

She lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. 'What have I gotten myself into' she thought.

The next morning Jack seemed rested as he dressed for work and he asked her to return that evening.

Really wanting to ask about his relationship with Colonel Carter but not quite working up the nerve to do so, she smiled and nodded her head.

"Okay, Jack."

He walked out of the room and she heard the front door close.

Going into the kitchen for a cup of coffee, she wondered about Jack and the Colonel. He had told her on their first date that Colonel Carter was engaged and she remembered the look on his face when he said it. Just because Colonel Carter was getting married wouldn't necessarily stop him from having feelings for her.

She decided to put it out of her mind as she dressed for work.

************

It was now Friday afternoon and she and Jack had planned to spend the weekend together at his place. He had been working such long hours, she only hoped he wouldn't have to go back to the base and could take this time to relax.

He had called to tell her he would pick her up, since her apartment was on his way home, and he would bring her back Monday morning when he returned to the base.

When they arrived at his house, she put her things in the bedroom as Jack went out on the deck to light the grill.

She put a tablecloth on the picnic table and placed silverware and napkins down for them.

They were talking about their day when Jack asked if she would go get a bottle of barbecue sauce from the kitchen cabinet.

"Do you need anything else?"

"There's some salad in the fridge if you want to grab it and get whatever else you think we might need."

She went into the kitchen. Just as she was searching the cabinets for the barbecue sauce, she thought she heard a woman's voice coming through the open window. Taking a look outside, she could see Colonel Carter standing at the edge of the deck. She crept closer to the window and listened.

"Look, is this, is this okay? I mean, I could have called first but . . ."

"No . . . yeah . . . I mean, it's fine. So, um, what brings you to this neck of the woods on such a fine day in my back yard?" she heard Jack ask.

"Well, actually, I've, um, I've been sitting in your driveway for the last ten minutes trying to work up the nerve to come and talk to you. The truth is, I've been trying to work up the nerve for a lot longer than that."

"Oh?"

"Pete put a down payment on a house."

"Well, that's great."

"It's a beautiful house."

"But?"

"The . . . the truth is, I'm having second thoughts about the wedding."

Hearing this, she took a deep breath and listened further to their conversation.

"Why?"

"See, the . . . the truth is, the closer it gets, the more I get the feeling that . . . I'm making a big, huge mistake."

"Look, Carter, the . . . I don't know what . . ."

"Look, I'm sorry to bother you with this, but, uh . . . see, there's actually a very good reason that I'm bothering you with this, and if I don't tell you now, I might never . . ."

Thinking this would now be a good time to interrupt, she picked up the food and came out of the house.

"Jack, I looked everywhere . . . I could not find . . ."

Colonel Carter turned quickly and closed her eyes in disbelief for a moment.

She smiled. "Colonel Carter."

The Colonel nodded her head with a nervous smile.

"Ms. . . . Johnson" Jack said.

"Yeah, I didn't . . . I didn't" she watched Colonel Carter stumble over her words.

Jack glanced at her. "We were just . . . meeting here in my back yard on this fine day to discuss the state of affairs."

She tried to smile. "Well, this is . . . awkward."

She heard Colonel Carter whisper "ya think?"

"Jack didn't want anyone at the SGC to know about us."

Jack came to her, taking the dishes from her hands and setting them down.

Colonel Carter shook her head. "No, look, I, uh, uh, I'm sorry, this is my fault. I really, I shouldn't have come by unannounced like this."

"Well, you know, now that the cat's out of the bag, you're here, why don't you just stay? I'm sure there's enough charred meat on the grill for all three of us."

She watched as Jack held up a charred piece of meat, not knowing what to say to either of them.

"No . . . thank you . . . I, um . . ."

At that moment, Colonel Carter's phone rang and she looked at the caller ID.

"It's the SGC. Colonel Carter."

She walked over to Jack as he handed her a bottle of beer.

They could see Colonel Carter's eyes grow wide.

"What? When? Okay, I'm on my way."

She hung up the phone.

"I . . . I gotta go. It's my dad."

She and Jack watched as Colonel Carter hurried away.

She looked at Jack but he turned his attention back to the grill.

"We can eat now" he said softly.

"Okay" she answered, not knowing what else to say as they sat down at the table.

She hated to admit it to herself but she knew from Colonel Carter's conversation with Jack and his reaction to her being here, there was more to his feelings for her than he would admit and she remembered the night that he had whispered "Sam" in his sleep. She started to say something about that night but decided against it.

The conversation was sporadic as they ate and Jack would hardly look at her. She was growing more uneasy by the minute when Jack's cell phone rang. He dug it out of his pocket and answered.

"O'Neill."

She watched as he took a deep breath and sighed. "Okay. I'll be in as soon as I can."

He closed the phone and looked at her.

"Jack, what's wrong?"

"Trouble with Anubis."

She frowned and Jack shook his head.

"Long story."

"Bad?"

"Very bad and Colonel Carter's father collapsed about an hour ago. That's why she left."

"Oh, no. Are you two close?"

Jack nodded his head and looked away. "He's a friend and a good guy."

She looked down at the table and thought for a second before she spoke. "And you care deeply for his daughter."

Jack turned his head quickly and they stared into each other's eyes for several moments until she could take it no more.

She stood up and Jack did also.

"I'll leave, Jack."

"Kerry" he started to say but she held up her hand to stop him and she could feel the tears coming as she tried to smile.

"It's okay, Jack. Please . . . go. I'll clean up here. You need to get to the base. I'll get a taxi."

"I could drop you off."

"No, it's okay. Go. You need to leave."

He stared at her for a moment with a look of regret, then hurried into the house to get his keys and wallet.

She turned her back to the house, not wanting him to see the tears in her eyes when he came back out. Picking up some dishes, she heard his footsteps on the deck. He paused for a moment and she could feel him watching her, then he went down the steps and around the house.

Putting down the dishes, she looked up into the trees, sat down and took a deep breath as tears ran down her cheeks. She leaned over, put her elbows on her knees and her hands to her face as she wept.

She'd had such high hopes that this relationship with Jack would become more involved and it had, on her part. It had been a very long time since she had been this attracted to a man. Jack was everything she ever wanted: handsome, intelligent, kind and caring with a great sense of humor; not to mention, the sexiest man she'd ever met. But she knew he couldn't care for her in the same way, not when he was in love with another woman. A beautiful, intelligent woman that he had loved for a long time, she suspected.

Realizing that her time with Jack was over, she stood up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Taking everything inside, she put the tablecloth in the clothes hamper and the dishes in the dishwasher.

Finding a phone book in a drawer, she called a taxi service, then went to the bedroom and got her things. When the taxi arrived she came outside and closed the door. As she started to get into the taxi, she turned back for a moment and looked at Jack's house, thinking how much she would have loved spending more time here with him.

She arrived back at her apartment. Wandering into the bedroom, she dropped her overnight bag on the floor, hung her clothes in the closet and laid her purse on the dresser. Kicking off her shoes, she lay down on the bed and pulled a blanket over herself as the tears came.

Looking back on the day, she knew it was good that Colonel Carter had shown up at Jack's house and tried to tell him, in an indirect way, that she was uncertain of her impending marriage, probably because of her feelings for him. She could only hope that, for their sakes, they would not ignore these feelings between them that were so evident to her.

Even though it hurt deeply, she knew it was best she find out now instead of later, that she was not the woman that Jack was in love with. She would eventually recover from this relationship, just as she had recovered from her relationship with Stephen, but it would be hard.

She turned over on her side and cried herself to sleep.

************

She awoke the next morning and realized she had slept in the clothes she had worn the day before as the memories of yesterday flooded her mind.

Getting out of bed, she felt like crying again but she wouldn't, knowing she had a job to do. She and Jack still had to work together, so she wanted to get this matter resolved as quickly as possible.

After taking a warm shower, she dried her hair and put on some make-up. She dressed in a bright green blouse and black suit and headed to the Mountain.

Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, she got off the elevator and headed to Jack's office. She came around the corner and there he sat, chin resting on his hand, staring at his desk, lost in thought.

Putting on a brave face, she swallowed the lump in her throat as she looked at Jack, thinking how handsome he was and how hard this was going to be. She knocked gently on his door.

Jack looked up.

"How's Colonel Carter's father?"

"Doesn't look good."

"Sorry to hear that."

She slowly shut the door.

"Closing the door."

"Yeah, deeply symbolic."

"Really?"

She tried to smile. "I really like you. We're good together."

Jack stood up. "Yes. We are. But?"

"You have issues. It's okay . . . we all do. There's just one big one in particular that I don't think I can love with."

She corrected herself. "Live with. I need to get out before I get more involved. We can still work together, can't we? I'd hate to ask for reassignment. This is really important to me. We agreed this would never affect the job."

"We did."

"Good."

Walking toward the door, she turned around to face him and put her hands on her hips. "There's just one thing I don't understand."

"Just one?"

"Is the Air Force the only thing keeping you two apart? Rules and regulations? If it is, you're making a very big mistake."

"And you know what I should do?"

"Retire."

"Again?"

"Don't get me wrong . . . you are considered invaluable to the program by the Pentagon, but the President has appointed a civilian to run the SGC before."

Jack nodded his head.

"Just a thought."

She headed to the door and glanced back at him.

Walking to the elevator, she breathed deeply, feeling the tears coming but she choked them back. She had just ended what could have been a beautiful romance, had Jack not already been in love with someone else. He would never know how deep her feelings for him really were, and would be, for a long time to come. Getting over Jack O'Neill would be one of the hardest things she would ever have to do.

Stepping into the elevator, she headed to the surface, ready to put this behind her and get on with her life.

_**Epilogue**_

Jack and Sam sat on the front porch of his cabin as they watched the rain. His arm was around her and he slowly ran his fingers up and down her arm as she leaned her head against his shoulder. She closed her eyes and breathed the clean air.

Jack had finally succeeded in getting her to come with him to his cabin.

Seeing the change in their friends' relationship, Daniel and Teal'c were purposely waiting a few days to arrive, in order to give Jack and Sam some much needed time to be alone.

Jacob had been buried a few days ago and Jack knew that Sam needed to get away, not only to come to terms with her father's death, but because of the other change in her life, her broken engagement to Pete. Although she had realized that Pete was not the man she was in love with, she knew that she had hurt him deeply when she had ended their relationship.

Sam opened her eyes, sat up and looked at Jack.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For finally getting me here."

"I knew you'd accept my invitation eventually."

Sam raised her eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

Jack clasped his hands between his knees. "Well, no, not really. I only hoped you'd come. Many times I have hoped you'd come."

Tears came to her eyes and she looked away. "I'm sorry."

He put his hand to her chin so she had to look at him. "Because?"

"I not only hurt Pete, I hurt you."

He turned to face her, took her right hand in his left and put his other hand to her cheek as he looked into her eyes. "I wanted you to be happy, even if it was with Pete. I was willing to let you go . . . because I love you, Samantha."

She pulled her hand from his and quickly put her arms around his neck as she tried not to cry. "I love you too, Jack. I'm just glad I realized how much before I made the biggest mistake of my life."

He ran his hands up and down her back.

In a moment she pulled away, wiped her eyes and looked at him.

"Tell me about Kerry."

He frowned. "What do you want to know?"

"Could you have loved her?"

"Possibly, if we had met at another time and place. She's intelligent, pretty, had a good sense of humor and she was fun to be with. When she was at my house the day you showed up, she figured out pretty quickly my feelings for you. She came to see me the next day and told me I had issues, one in particular she didn't think she could live with."

Sam looked surprised. "Me?"

"Yes, you. She also urged me to do something about us."

"Maybe she already cared about you more than she was willing to admit."

Jack shrugged. "I don't know about that. She's a nice woman so I hope she finds the right man for her."

Jack slid his arm back around Sam and she put her head on his shoulder. Sam sighed with contentment as they sat in silence and watched the rain.

The End


End file.
